There are many facets to life that many of us don't know about. On my column I give my personal views from real life experiences, sound advice on daily obstacles, and I write out lessons I've learned on my personal journey.
This one will rub some feathers and rightfully so because some things really just need to turnaround in our communities. Statistics are objective and don’t have the logical ability to lie to us. As I probed the internet looking at different sites pertaining to household incomes and childbearing statistics I was amazed at the increasing rates of single motherhood in the U.S. I know sometimes different variables have a substantial effect on certain outcomes but a lot of it can be easily changed with proper wisdom and knowledge from God’s word.1 Corinthians 1:18 says, "The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God."
I recall explicitly about 2 weeks ago I had an encounter in Charlotte with a guy who claimed to have 8 kids by 6 different baby mamas. He was slightly prideful and I derived from his conversation that he had no moral guidelines in place even after all of that. Not demeaning him in any way but is this now the norm for society to have a bunch of kids by different people and not even be married? Why are a lot of people comfortable with having so many babies and not even be married to the partner? By looking around it’s so easy to see how many of us have gotten away and stayed off track from what God originally intending to be the case for our lives. His will is perfect and supersedes any possible notion that we could have had for our lives.
Isaiah 55:8-9 states, “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
We always say we want change in those around us and for our communities but what about starting with ourselves first? We pass the blame onto others so quickly while overlooking the fixable problems within ourselves. This allows us to become blind to the point where when we finally do see what’s going on, years have passed us by and situations like that guy I mentioned have established themselves. Like I said last week in my newspaper column, let us look in the mirror at ourselves first and start the change in ourselves.
*Post from my newspaper column
This is a topic that I believe is generally discussed amongst society but most people at least from my experience don't truly believe it can happen for them. So many people are stuck in certain ways and don't even believe that their thoughts or mindset could possibly change. The norm statement that's most common today is, "I was born this way."
Well i'm going to explain my case for why that is false and you can in fact be liberated from any learned behavior or mindset. First, i'll start with what God's word says in Romans 12:2, "Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." This one scripture let's us know instruction for changing the way we think which begins with careful evaluation and not copying traditions or behaviors that you see most common in this world. You won't stand out in this world if you're focused on being common or blending in with what everyone else is doing. Most traditions and behaviors lack the necessary moral principles to lead a positive or godly life anyway. One characteristic of God's will is that it's perfect so why seek or long for something that keeps you away from his provisions.
Half of the battle is first recognizing that you are in a situation where you have learned behaviors or a mindset that is detrimental to your life. After that one would need to get new information invested into their minds which starts with declaring positive affirmations or scriptures that speak to a more positive life or mindset. You'll begin to see big pattern changes as you grow in this with daily consistency. Your mind is a big key to your way of living and your eyes are it's gateway so always be mindful of what you allow yourself or your child to look at.
*Post from my newspaper column this week.
Many times as we're doing the right thing to the best of our abilities different hardships or distractions will try to come and overtake our momentum we've gained in life. One thing I know about distractions and hardships is that they are only temporary and do not last forever unless you allow your conscious mind to consistently see it that way. The strength and momentum we gain on the journey is meant to sustain us as our lives elevate to the next level over time. God has his own perfect way of preparing and growing us so that we can get to the next level of our lives by doing his will. When small breakthroughs happen it is important to meditate and remind yourself of them as you go along because when another test comes the adversary will do his best to make you forget the things you've overcome time and time again. This plagues a lot of people because they forget how many times they've overcome something and inadvertently only allow their present situations to rule their mindset. When you build momentum on the journey it is important to keep that faith alive and active by meditating/reflecting on the past and also daily prayer to God who has authority over all things when we submit our lives to him. You have to also learn to distance yourself from friends/associates who speak words of doubt and confusion around you. Their words can also over time cause you to lose valuable momentum and veer off into a different path in life then you initially sought out.
Many of us have been conditioned our whole lives to think and act a certain way because of what we observe going on around us. This leads one to living out the many different lifestyles that we see people lead today. I've encountered people lately who feel as though they are stuck and cannot change how they think or act. They say things like I was born this way so I'm going to just deal with it and try to live my life. They've tried so many different things is this world to change and it only leads back to the same mindset and lifestyle that they were conditioned on. Understand that your adversary is the only one who could convince someone in their mind to believe such a thing.
If the adversary can convince you to be constantly fearful or stuck on a certain way of life then he has already carried out a part of his purpose in created a stronghold in your mind. The way we allow ourselves to think is how we ultimately create our lives. God has given us the power if we accept his son Jesus to create new positive habits and to live a peaceful life with all of his provisions while awaiting our eternal lives in paradise. If we never focus on the positive things in life then we'll always be a negative person. By us only focusing on the negative things you end up losing your hope, faith, joy and ultimately your will to live. Don't allow yourself to be deceived into thinking that there is no way for you to turn everything around. I am a testament of some of these things!
I have been noticing lately that a lot of people just aren’t really that committed and focused on the things they say they've been working towards. A lot of people are just living for the thrill of things and have no real direction or passion for the things in life that matter. We have to really watch out for the trends and lifestyles that we see others on and think that it's some type of game or something popular to follow after. Following others and not being yourself can turn you into someone that you weren't intended to be and leads you down a mediocre path. I've had my own vast experiences in the past that helped me get to this point and I definitely remember coming up in high school with a variety of different football offers with a few of them being power 5 schools. Where I come from it’s all about football so if you have offers from power 5 schools you’re expected to excel and have everybody looking up to you.
Nobody could take my focus away while I was in high school. We had the work ethic then, we had the drive, we had the passion, we had the commitment. It was all about football and making it to the NFL. But the trends and lifestyles of college got in the way because I wasn't as driven and focused as I originally thought I was when I left high school.
A lot of people including myself got distracted easily with the college life so I know from experience how it is when you aren’t truly rooted in what you originally said you wanted to do. I started creating new habits of affirming myself to things that weren't in alignment with my desired career. Too many people today have no work ethic or foundation for what they do. I've seen lately many guys I know back home in SC starting to look like and blend in with any and everybody for whatever reason it may be. The media and newspapers are becoming loaded with people getting sentenced for crimes that don't even make sense as to how something like that could happen. We have to be more intentional about our motivations and decisions in life.
Purpose is powerful because it's something God gives you to drive you from deep within. If Christ didn't exist then we would have no basis to establish purpose in the first place. When you know or at least have an idea of what your purpose may be it helps with daily living because it gives you something to strive towards. Certain people who don't pursue purpose usually tend to live mediocre lives and you can see the evidence from their daily actions and who they hang around.
Operating in purpose helps you to live a more fulfilled life because it eliminates most selfishness and takes the focus off of you. A lot of rich and poor people perish daily having gone an entire lifetime without sustained happiness or even knowing where their eternity lies. Don't allow and accept the adversaries negative thoughts or lies about how you have no purpose for life. Your adversary is most famous for being a deceiver and a consistent liar.
We each encounter different experiences everyday of our lives that are intended to mold us into the person that we were predestined by God to be. In today's generation it seems as though most of us never seem to apply the personal lessons we say we've gained. Many people get back into the same situations and relationships that they once said they would never get back into. We have to be more intentional about understanding the value and worth that we each have as individuals.
I had many times in the past where I would compromise my character and values to fit into certain societal trends or groups. God showed me many lessons over and over until I came to my senses and applied them to the different areas of my life.
It was after the application of the lessons that I was able to climb the ladder and move to different levels of my life. I'm still not at the level that I envision of my life but everything comes at the right time with God. God does the exact same for everyone else except others may not focus on and take God as seriously as I have come to do. Some of us get carried away from our own goals by entertaining things too long that are detrimental to our mindsets. Your goals/career has to be more of a priority than whatever you're being distracted by.
During this day and time we are seeing many people become exactly the opposite of what they first intended and were made to be. This is largely influenced by what we see on television and the people we allow to be in our close circle. The power of influence is very real today and has started becoming even more prevalent. A lot of people have lost the trait of patience and in return do any and everything they can to make it to the top quickly without learning the necessary lessons to sustain them.
Learn to operate with consistent patience and use your God given purpose for life. Anything outside of God's will for you will never sustain you because there isn't a steady foundation on it. If you have to compromise morality to get to the top then it was not given by God and will not sustain you for the long run. If you're at a point where you can't see anything positive going for you then revert back to the basics and begin meditating on the small blessings which are things like food, life, shelter, and the ability to breath.
As long as you have breathe in your lungs then you have the ability to make a sustainable change in life without compromising morals.
As of recently, society has seen a drastic increase of people beginning to base or model their relationships off of secular celebrities and their relatively short lived relationships/marriages instead of the biblical principles that God originally intended for all humanity. When God is not included as the foundation for a relationship/marriage it will almost always be headed for destruction or divorce. On the flip side, there are many couples that eventually develop the foundation of Christ further down the line in their relationship/marriage. To be honest marriages that don't have a foundation on the principles of Jesus Christ are only considered marriage to humanity and aren't really considered marriage or honored in God's eyes because it's done contrary to what he created it to be. But ultimately it's between God and that couple.
Luke 6: 47-49 says, "I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house right on the ground, without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.”
Your unconscious mind controls your behavior so it can lead you to compromising and also alters your judgment and feelings. So in relationships/marriages things like adultery, infidelity, cheating, lying, constant arguing, and constant lack of communication will be inevitable unless there is a foundation there that can eliminate these things from even happening in the first place. Evaluate the reasons for you even wanting to get into a relationship in the first place. Lack of attention? Tired of being alone? Is it only about you and your needs? Seeking to simply have someone entertain you? These are all the wrong reasons for wanting a relationship. You should always be content while single first.
Also check out: "Relationship Talk Pt. 1"
The most important variable when thinking about the reconditioning of your mind is to recognize what the flaws or deviance's are first. Things will start to become slightly clearer once you can actually confess and agree that there is specific change that is needed in your life. I had to cut off things that hindered me and isolate myself before I was able to receive all of the wisdom and knowledge from the Lord that I have now. Once I allowed the Holy Spirit to take control, things begin to change drastically and the Lord gave me a different perception or view on life and the people that get an opportunity to live it. So I know the process vividly! Reconditioning your mindset will take being intentional about putting fresh and new information into it. What I mean is to take control of the things you allow yourself to entertain and be influenced by such as what you watch before bed or indulge in on social media. These simple activities can adversely contaminate your vision on life and or create a perception of things that aren't really good for you. So recognize first that there is a clear change that is needed and then be bold in taking action.
Your actions have to prove that you have been grasping what you've been taught in life and by God's word. Anything less is a sign of regression!
- Nicholas Halmon
I am originally from Bamberg, SC but I currently live in Charlotte, NC. I have had some of the greatest ups and some of the lowest of setbacks. I will write about daily obstacles you will encounter and many helpful thoughts on certain aspects of life and other informative ideas.
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Your worth shouldn't be based off of another persons perception of you! God's love establishes true worth because he is our basis for all things!