There are many facets to life that many of us don't know about. On my column I give my personal views from real life experiences, sound advice on daily obstacles, and I write out lessons I've learned on my personal journey.
This one will rub some feathers and rightfully so because some things really just need to turnaround in our communities. Statistics are objective and don’t have the logical ability to lie to us. As I probed the internet looking at different sites pertaining to household incomes and childbearing statistics I was amazed at the increasing rates of single motherhood in the U.S. I know sometimes different variables have a substantial effect on certain outcomes but a lot of it can be easily changed with proper wisdom and knowledge from God’s word.1 Corinthians 1:18 says, "The message of the cross is foolish to those who are headed for destruction! But we who are being saved know it is the very power of God."
I recall explicitly about 2 weeks ago I had an encounter in Charlotte with a guy who claimed to have 8 kids by 6 different baby mamas. He was slightly prideful and I derived from his conversation that he had no moral guidelines in place even after all of that. Not demeaning him in any way but is this now the norm for society to have a bunch of kids by different people and not even be married? Why are a lot of people comfortable with having so many babies and not even be married to the partner? By looking around it’s so easy to see how many of us have gotten away and stayed off track from what God originally intending to be the case for our lives. His will is perfect and supersedes any possible notion that we could have had for our lives.
Isaiah 55:8-9 states, “My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.
We always say we want change in those around us and for our communities but what about starting with ourselves first? We pass the blame onto others so quickly while overlooking the fixable problems within ourselves. This allows us to become blind to the point where when we finally do see what’s going on, years have passed us by and situations like that guy I mentioned have established themselves. Like I said last week in my newspaper column, let us look in the mirror at ourselves first and start the change in ourselves.
Many of us have been conditioned our whole lives to think and act a certain way because of what we observe going on around us. This leads one to living out the many different lifestyles that we see people lead today. I've encountered people lately who feel as though they are stuck and cannot change how they think or act. They say things like I was born this way so I'm going to just deal with it and try to live my life. They've tried so many different things is this world to change and it only leads back to the same mindset and lifestyle that they were conditioned on. Understand that your adversary is the only one who could convince someone in their mind to believe such a thing.
If the adversary can convince you to be constantly fearful or stuck on a certain way of life then he has already carried out a part of his purpose in created a stronghold in your mind. The way we allow ourselves to think is how we ultimately create our lives. God has given us the power if we accept his son Jesus to create new positive habits and to live a peaceful life with all of his provisions while awaiting our eternal lives in paradise. If we never focus on the positive things in life then we'll always be a negative person. By us only focusing on the negative things you end up losing your hope, faith, joy and ultimately your will to live. Don't allow yourself to be deceived into thinking that there is no way for you to turn everything around. I am a testament of some of these things!
I have been noticing lately that a lot of people just aren’t really that committed and focused on the things they say they've been working towards. A lot of people are just living for the thrill of things and have no real direction or passion for the things in life that matter. We have to really watch out for the trends and lifestyles that we see others on and think that it's some type of game or something popular to follow after. Following others and not being yourself can turn you into someone that you weren't intended to be and leads you down a mediocre path. I've had my own vast experiences in the past that helped me get to this point and I definitely remember coming up in high school with a variety of different football offers with a few of them being power 5 schools. Where I come from it’s all about football so if you have offers from power 5 schools you’re expected to excel and have everybody looking up to you.
Nobody could take my focus away while I was in high school. We had the work ethic then, we had the drive, we had the passion, we had the commitment. It was all about football and making it to the NFL. But the trends and lifestyles of college got in the way because I wasn't as driven and focused as I originally thought I was when I left high school.
A lot of people including myself got distracted easily with the college life so I know from experience how it is when you aren’t truly rooted in what you originally said you wanted to do. I started creating new habits of affirming myself to things that weren't in alignment with my desired career. Too many people today have no work ethic or foundation for what they do. I've seen lately many guys I know back home in SC starting to look like and blend in with any and everybody for whatever reason it may be. The media and newspapers are becoming loaded with people getting sentenced for crimes that don't even make sense as to how something like that could happen. We have to be more intentional about our motivations and decisions in life.
Purpose is powerful because it's something God gives you to drive you from deep within. If Christ didn't exist then we would have no basis to establish purpose in the first place. When you know or at least have an idea of what your purpose may be it helps with daily living because it gives you something to strive towards. Certain people who don't pursue purpose usually tend to live mediocre lives and you can see the evidence from their daily actions and who they hang around.
Operating in purpose helps you to live a more fulfilled life because it eliminates most selfishness and takes the focus off of you. A lot of rich and poor people perish daily having gone an entire lifetime without sustained happiness or even knowing where their eternity lies. Don't allow and accept the adversaries negative thoughts or lies about how you have no purpose for life. Your adversary is most famous for being a deceiver and a consistent liar.
We each encounter different experiences everyday of our lives that are intended to mold us into the person that we were predestined by God to be. In today's generation it seems as though most of us never seem to apply the personal lessons we say we've gained. Many people get back into the same situations and relationships that they once said they would never get back into. We have to be more intentional about understanding the value and worth that we each have as individuals.
I had many times in the past where I would compromise my character and values to fit into certain societal trends or groups. God showed me many lessons over and over until I came to my senses and applied them to the different areas of my life.
It was after the application of the lessons that I was able to climb the ladder and move to different levels of my life. I'm still not at the level that I envision of my life but everything comes at the right time with God. God does the exact same for everyone else except others may not focus on and take God as seriously as I have come to do. Some of us get carried away from our own goals by entertaining things too long that are detrimental to our mindsets. Your goals/career has to be more of a priority than whatever you're being distracted by.
As of recently, society has seen a drastic increase of people beginning to base or model their relationships off of secular celebrities and their relatively short lived relationships/marriages instead of the biblical principles that God originally intended for all humanity. When God is not included as the foundation for a relationship/marriage it will almost always be headed for destruction or divorce. On the flip side, there are many couples that eventually develop the foundation of Christ further down the line in their relationship/marriage. To be honest marriages that don't have a foundation on the principles of Jesus Christ are only considered marriage to humanity and aren't really considered marriage or honored in God's eyes because it's done contrary to what he created it to be. But ultimately it's between God and that couple.
Luke 6: 47-49 says, "I will show you what it’s like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against that house, it stands firm because it is well built. But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house right on the ground, without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.”
Your unconscious mind controls your behavior so it can lead you to compromising and also alters your judgment and feelings. So in relationships/marriages things like adultery, infidelity, cheating, lying, constant arguing, and constant lack of communication will be inevitable unless there is a foundation there that can eliminate these things from even happening in the first place. Evaluate the reasons for you even wanting to get into a relationship in the first place. Lack of attention? Tired of being alone? Is it only about you and your needs? Seeking to simply have someone entertain you? These are all the wrong reasons for wanting a relationship. You should always be content while single first.
Also check out: "Relationship Talk Pt. 1"
Everybody nowadays says they want wholesome friendships or at least they just like to ponder on the thought of it. We compromise many of the morals we initially had to fit into these societal boxes that produce a lot of the deceptive friendships we see today. With deception going around now at a rapid pace it is very important to simply evaluate yourself everyday and think are you being an asset or a liability to the friendships you're in and also evaluate who you're around on a consistent basis. Are they an asset or a liability to you? 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, "Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”" Most people usually can tell what type of person you are just by the people they may see you hang around. In due time you become whatever you hang around so keep this in mind.
The relationship perception that society has out today is very misleading and can deceive you if you don't already know what a healthy and godly relationship is suppose to look like. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says,"Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?" Social media has manipulated the minds of people into wanting these celebrity type relationships which in actuality aren't really built on the right foundations in the first place which is why a lot of divorces happen to what we thought were good couples. Most of it is all influenced by money and what type of status you have in the world. Your unconscious mind controls your behavior and also has the power to compromise and influence your judgments and feelings. Don't let emotions which are physical and feelings which are mental get in the way of you choosing the right spouse. God put man on this earth first and the woman(Eve) was brought along out of the rib of the man (Adam) to compliment him. Genesis 2:18 says, "Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” The man is suppose to lead and cultivate whomever he chooses as a spouse.
Quite a few people in today's times tend to run away from taking accountability for their behaviors and mistakes. The quickest getaway for some is to intentionally and also unintentionally pass the blame in order to release the guiltiness that plagues them. But do you ever think about what could happen to the other person? What consequences they may face depending on the situation? As a society we have to get better at owning up to our mistakes and taking accountability for the things we do.
Over the last few years I have made many rough mistakes in life, my decision making, and the things I allowed myself to be influenced by. Nevertheless one thing that I have really come to realize as I've made great changes thus far in my life is that it takes true men and women to own up to their mistakes. People who have no moral guidelines or any sense of godly direction in life will almost always seek to hurt others for fulfillment and not take responsibilities for their actions. Proverbs 28:13 says, "People who conceal their sins will not prosper, but if they confess and turn from them, they will receive mercy."
Self control in many aspects of life is something that most of us tend to struggle with but never want anyone to think that we do. The norm of today is to hide the things you struggle with as no one wants to openly look weak and vulnerable to the outside world. We most times struggle with things because of not realizing the power and the effect on our subconscious mind by the things we allow ourselves to be influenced and entertained by. When you can act or do something that you know is not of you or your character then it means there's something sitting in you subconsciously that influences your actions but your conscious mind can't control it. To get steady control of this you would need to be intentional about the things you allow yourself to entertain on the tv, internet, cellphone and also the friends you keep. Your subconscious mind which stores your memory has control over your contemplation's (Your current mindset) and your imaginations (Your future). So whatever you entertain and be influenced by can alter and greatly determine your mindset and future down the road.
Everyday many people wonder further and further away from who they really are as a person because of today's level of distractions and negative influences all orchestrated by the adversary. Contrary to any trending societal belief, we were all created for our very own specific reason. Sadly many people perish without reaching their destiny or even knowing where their eternal destination will be. While this is one of the most powerful generations known to man, it is also one of the most easily deceived. You have to be able to own your space and not let the influences of others cause you to abort the destiny which you were created for. To find your purpose you need to intentionally separate yourself from habits you know aren't positively benefiting you and the people that influence them into you. Over time this brings clarity to your vision and allows you to learn and apply the lessons from your past. Once you fully understand that you have a purpose in life then it is easier to not live according to what society is telling you to do or follow vainly down the path of others who have no direction with their own lives. Encourage yourself daily and keep moving!
Your actions have to prove that you have been grasping what you've been taught in life and by God's word. Anything less is a sign of regression!
- Nicholas Halmon
I am originally from Bamberg, SC but I currently live in Charlotte, NC. I have had some of the greatest ups and some of the lowest of setbacks. I will write about daily obstacles you will encounter and many helpful thoughts on certain aspects of life and other informative ideas.
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Your worth shouldn't be based off of another persons perception of you! God's love establishes true worth because he is our basis for all things!